oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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