My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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