Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He felt like a one man threesome
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We have started to decorate penises.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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