i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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