I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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