i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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