guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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