I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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