If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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