new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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