Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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