u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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