She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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