I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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