tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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