Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
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Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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