I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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