At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize