He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
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It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
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Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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