if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
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oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
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I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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