The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize