thus making me awesome and them whores
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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