Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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