i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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