i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I touched a dick in church today
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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