i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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