My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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