I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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