Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize