yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
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I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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