that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize