Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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