After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
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FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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