fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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