Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
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do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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