hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Two words: blizzard sex
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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