I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize