I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
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I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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