judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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