I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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