Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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