I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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