i already hear my dad disowning me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
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so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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