Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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