Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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