You smell like stripper and shame
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
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seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize