I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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