Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize