when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize