Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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